geeeoffINtheBOX

Name: Geoffrey “Geeeoff” Thomas Jewell II

Occupation: Geek, Fanboy, Internet-Technology-Guy

Race: Human

Class: Warrior/Mage

Status: Taken. Sorry, ladies, but Miss Jones stole me. I love her. She knows this. She loves me back.

 

 

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“YE, INTRUDERS BEWARE! CRUSHING DEATH AND GRIEF. SOAKED WITH BLOOD OF THE TRESPASSING THIEF.” -Mouth

 

 

BIO: Below is the very boring (very) list of bits and pieces that used to be on le MySpace page that is no longer. Most of it has been discarded or updated for the times or for teh lulz. I warn you… it’s boring.

 

Also… in keeping with the pirates theme… Bored Men Tell No Tales…

 

 

 

 

I am going to turn my life around. Starting tomorrow.

I don’t like seafood, and I never will. So don’t tell me why I should like it. Trust me, I’ll be fine.

I work for the number one domain registrar in the world! I also am in love with my new career and have never been happier at a job.

Previous gigs I’ve held? I’ve worked in the food, horticulture, sales, pool, and retail industries.

I speak two languages: English and Sarcasm, and I have no problem showing off my bilingual skills. As far as other languages go, I took some Spanish in college. But, I think it took me a week to forget all the stuff that I took one semester to learn. Now, the only Spanish I know is what I know from Taco Bell, and I usually can’t even get that right.

I am a jack of all trades, but a master of none. This means that I’m moderately talented at 100% of everything I do, but have about 0% chance of being awesome at any of it. Fuck-a-doodle-do.

I try to eat healthy, but very little food considered healthy tastes good to me. The stuff that is the most delicious is the most unhealthy for me. Welcome to my nightmare.

iPhone guy. Apple haters can hate and they are indeed going to hate.

I’m broke. Will play video games for money. For realsies, just ask me… I’m really good. Any takers?

My family is very important to me. That is all. I have a father, four older sisters, four brothers-in-laws, and I don’t know how many nieces and nephews. I’ve seriously lost count.

Tea is not a beverage. Do not ask me to drink tea. Green Tea, Iced Tea, Hot Tea… ASS, ASS, ASS.

Dogs > Most People. Your dog will never lie to you. Your dog is the first one to greet you when you come home. Your dog is always happy to see you, and will show you more devotion, and loyalty than most people in this world. I will most likely cry when my dogs die before I cry for most humans (I miss my dogs…)

I love music of all genres and styles- I even enjoy stuff I’m ashamed to mention here… or anywhere else, for that matter.

I am a big fan of the Green Power Ranger. Let’s go down the list of bad-ass qualities: Wears green; Check. Has a gold chest plate; Check. Likes dragons; Check. Plays flute that doubles as a dagger; Check. Bangs the Pink Power Ranger; Check. Yeah, he wins.

When I was young, I used to reenact Back to the Future in its entirety. My dad tells me all the stories of how I “ruined several good pairs of speakers” during the ‘Johnny B Goode’ scene. Dear Dad, I know you like to throw around words like “expensive,” “ruined,” and “fucking kid” when telling people about how I “destroyed” your speakers as a kid. All I can say is this; you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.

Training my (at the time) 3 year old niece to memorize all 9 members of Slipknot by appearance and showing her how to hold up the devil horns was maybe the proudest moment of my life. This should show you two things: how awesome it is that such a young mind can learn so quickly, AND how little my life has really brought to this world.

There are few things I enjoy more in this world over laughing and comedy. Who doesn’t like to share a laugh with someone? That’s right, nobody! That question is rhetorical! Idiot! Some of my favorite comedians?
Daniel Tosh
Louis C.K.
Dan Mintz
Steven Wright
Dave Chappelle
Chris Rock

I haven’t ever been in a fight. I like to attribute this to my amazing physique and intimidating looks.

BROTIP #869: If you’re not prepared to lose every friend you have over a board game, you’re not playing hard enough.

I love pro football and my beloved Philadelphia Eagles.

I hate, hate, hate the Dallas Cowboys… with every fiber of hatred that runs through my cold, dark, veins I hate the Dallas Cowboys. If there is a day I hate anything or anyone in this world as much as the Dallas Cowboys, I will feel deep remorse for whatever or whomever that is.

Seriously.

I fucking hate the Dallas Cowboys.

…Fuck the Cowboys